'To have a whole life, one must have the possibility of publicly shaping and expressing private worlds, dreams, thoughts and desires and constantly having access to a dialogue between the public and private worlds. How else do we know that we have existed, felt, desired, hated, feared?' (Nafisi, 1999, p. 339)I cannot say that I agree with her 100%. First of all, expressing the private life in my standpoint is not the only way of proving that we exist. The existence is indeed its proof. You exist that is why you exist. You do not think and that is why you exist. You exist as much as a desk exists. I think Nafisi in this statement is overlapping two different things. She needs to express her feelings or private life or anything but that should not be perceived as a proof of existence. This is in my opinion the need for eternity, as Kundera in his novel "Immortality" said. We cannot runaway from this feeling that all of us human beings need to be immortal. Therefore, we demonstrate it in many different ways. Some become writers, some visual artists, some musicians andsome become scientists, and also many other professions, if I may say.
As an example, in my major, music education or even broader, music in general, I know a lot of people as "names" that publish their articles, books, auto biographies, CDs, ... yes, one of the reasons is that they are contributing to the music literature and helping to construct a better environment for musicers. But, is it the only reason? Clearly not. The have this urge to be known. I also do. They need other people to know about them by how they write, how they compose, how they create. It is not only the matter of accomplishment either. It gives a pleasant feeling, it's true but again the matter of identity comes in but this time with the combination of immortality.
The second reason that I do not agree with Nafisi is that I still do not see the need to expose my private life in order to have a life. However, in order to shape my personality and constantly change in a "better" way, quote'n'quote, I need the reflections of other people's opinions as well as reflections of my own thoughts. I am not talking about shaping my personality for the sake of people, but to think about the reflections. Sometimes, people's disagreement is the best way to know that we are right!
Now let's get back to the point that I was planning to go, blogging! I know, again. And I am sure that I come to this topic again and again. The thing is that I need time to shape my thoughts about this matter and that is why I come to this subject like a Sinus Diagram. Do I need eternity and that is why I blog? Do I need other people's comments on what I write? Do I need to be known by other people in order to be immortal? Can't I be anonymous and write, or compose? Yes, I can. But also this anonymity is some kind of immortality. People know me by not knowing me, but they still know my works, and sooner or later they will learn who I am as a person. By the way, I have to remind you that this "I" is totally metaphoric.
Nonetheless, here, we face another issue as Gilbert coined it in a way, Collaborative Inquiry and Collaborative Performance. This is the new platform, and as Gilbert says, Web 3.0. Everything can be shared, without even having a computer or buying any programs. People can share their creativities by the programs that these platforms offer, without even paying for anything. This is what we might call the public privacy. This is what I still scare, I am not comfortable by sharing my intimate and private moments with the public. Maybe I am from the older generation. Maybe privacy is still the most important thing that I can have, and sharing it with others will ruin it for me. the new generation as Gilbert says are comfortable with this issue. They do not mind sharing their intimate moments with others. They have face book, and they put their photos, and information on it but at the same time, there are some programs that we can have the access of it in this new platform. Sharing, interacting and collaborating the ideas, explorations, creations and most importantly collaborations.
Yes, internet is the new medium. This old and new phenomenon of commenting, which TV is also sort of imitating it as Gilbert said, is one of the most important issues on the domain of internet. Commenting can be another definition for reflection. By this act we can create more creatively, we are actually collaborating by using and absorbing new knowledge that other people might have and add and edit these ideas into shaping our own thoughts and imaginations. To sum up briefly, collaborative platform, collaborative musicing, collaborative projects are indeed according to Gilbert the new stage of this globalized era. However, the matter is how to define it and how to implement it in every aspect of our lives. And for the older generation like myself which privacy is more important than anything else, how can I adapt myself to this new new new world?
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Cultural Contexts in Music
'Experiencing music together leaves the personal, individual, and interior domain unviolated. At the same time, the experience becomes public, shared, and exterior. Such reification of feeling and sensation, in turn, endows musical sound with a social existence coded as identity ("our" music) and with shared associations and connections coded as aesthetics (art).' (Qureshi, 2000,, p. 811) So, what she is saying here is similar to what Elliott says that music is situated and culturally based. Music is not only sonic sounds, it is the cultural issues behind it.
It was in February that I had this experience. I went to Symphony space for and Iranian concert which I knew the Musician from back home and I have never gone to his concerts before. It was my first time watching him playing live music. He is a very well-known Tanbur player and he is from Kurdistan one of our main provinces. Tanbur is a plucked instrument with three strings which has a very delicate femalish sound. Even the way they play it is fascinating, it gives you that feeling of stroking. Anyways... surprisingly, I did not enjoy the concert at all. To be honest, I became bored and inpatient.
Let us believe that music is situational. Then, I can explain why I did not enjoy the Iranian live music in New York. The main reason is that it became staged. I am not saying westernized, there are some differences between them, I am saying staged. We as Iranians listen to traditional Iranian music not in the concert halls but at homes with friends, after we finished our talks and eating food, after we discussed about all the everyday life matters, and after we finished dancing together. This is the moment that we altogether start singing the well-known traditional songs which also can be folkloric songs, or in other way, we put the music on and then we listen to it as a momentum. As can be presumed, it was not what was happening in symphony Space. Yes, it is true that the music was Iranian and even the instrumentalists were Iranian but the thing is that did it really give me the feeling of home in terms of listening to Iranian music as a cultural activity and not only the sounds? It even did not give me that nostalgic feeling of home.
Hence, if I as an Iranian felt that way, how could a person that is not Iranian like the music, or feel what we feel as an Iranian listening to Iranian music? I still do not know how people from all around the world receive music of other cultures. Yes, I sometimes listen to Indian or African or East Asian music, but do I feel the same way that their own people do? Clearly not. Then what is it that we still listen to their music and we go to the concert halls (a place which is not basically constructed for listening to other musical practices)?
Further on in her study, Qureshi, mentions a very interesting point, 'The social nature of musical experience is thus intertwined in a highly significant way with its personal, individual character. And if musical sound has the potential to "speak" socially as well as individually, then its sounds may turn out to be potent icons of social practice as well as personal experience. Music becomes as much a political tool as it is a language of feelings.' (ibid)
Thus, it is true that we might not receive the same messages that the aboriginal people do when they listen to their own music but we can create our own meaning, feeling and sensations (Susan, my dear fellow). However, I still cannot answer this question that why I still do not like Iranian music on stage? In a discussion in one of the courses I had, one of the students mentioned a very interesting point. The musicians also might listen to the hall manager about the selection of the music. They usually select the piece of music which is much easier to absorb by the audience than the "real" music itself. Yes, it still might sounds Iranian but the depth of the music is parallel to what the audience really want to listen to and not the original music.
To sum, music is situated, but we still can create our own music with its memories and social constructions. We can make our own culture, our own history and background. We are capable of making our own memories, not memories making us.
It was in February that I had this experience. I went to Symphony space for and Iranian concert which I knew the Musician from back home and I have never gone to his concerts before. It was my first time watching him playing live music. He is a very well-known Tanbur player and he is from Kurdistan one of our main provinces. Tanbur is a plucked instrument with three strings which has a very delicate femalish sound. Even the way they play it is fascinating, it gives you that feeling of stroking. Anyways... surprisingly, I did not enjoy the concert at all. To be honest, I became bored and inpatient.
Let us believe that music is situational. Then, I can explain why I did not enjoy the Iranian live music in New York. The main reason is that it became staged. I am not saying westernized, there are some differences between them, I am saying staged. We as Iranians listen to traditional Iranian music not in the concert halls but at homes with friends, after we finished our talks and eating food, after we discussed about all the everyday life matters, and after we finished dancing together. This is the moment that we altogether start singing the well-known traditional songs which also can be folkloric songs, or in other way, we put the music on and then we listen to it as a momentum. As can be presumed, it was not what was happening in symphony Space. Yes, it is true that the music was Iranian and even the instrumentalists were Iranian but the thing is that did it really give me the feeling of home in terms of listening to Iranian music as a cultural activity and not only the sounds? It even did not give me that nostalgic feeling of home.
Hence, if I as an Iranian felt that way, how could a person that is not Iranian like the music, or feel what we feel as an Iranian listening to Iranian music? I still do not know how people from all around the world receive music of other cultures. Yes, I sometimes listen to Indian or African or East Asian music, but do I feel the same way that their own people do? Clearly not. Then what is it that we still listen to their music and we go to the concert halls (a place which is not basically constructed for listening to other musical practices)?
Further on in her study, Qureshi, mentions a very interesting point, 'The social nature of musical experience is thus intertwined in a highly significant way with its personal, individual character. And if musical sound has the potential to "speak" socially as well as individually, then its sounds may turn out to be potent icons of social practice as well as personal experience. Music becomes as much a political tool as it is a language of feelings.' (ibid)
Thus, it is true that we might not receive the same messages that the aboriginal people do when they listen to their own music but we can create our own meaning, feeling and sensations (Susan, my dear fellow). However, I still cannot answer this question that why I still do not like Iranian music on stage? In a discussion in one of the courses I had, one of the students mentioned a very interesting point. The musicians also might listen to the hall manager about the selection of the music. They usually select the piece of music which is much easier to absorb by the audience than the "real" music itself. Yes, it still might sounds Iranian but the depth of the music is parallel to what the audience really want to listen to and not the original music.
To sum, music is situated, but we still can create our own music with its memories and social constructions. We can make our own culture, our own history and background. We are capable of making our own memories, not memories making us.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
A Tribute to Wyzard
I needed to talk about Wyzard at some point. At some certain point, which happened to be today. I think, oh no, I believe, Wyzard is my guru without even him knowing it. He is one of those kinds that rarely talks and when he does, wow! when he does he just nails it. My goodness! He is such a hardworking person, he teaches, he administrates, and above all he creates (I can say, he is able to create anything, not only music, web pages, movies, animations, but he creates these genuine ideas and concepts). Indeed, as he says himself, he is an explorer. More than that, he is a fantastic encourager. I wish I knew him much sooner, that is the only regret that I have in this regard.
Wyzard showed me these new ways of thinking, exploring and creating. He showed me that it is not only one way to look into things. In fact, He showed me how to think creatively and how to be the source of thoughts by listening to other people and respecting other people's opinions. However, I am still not on that stage that I can express precisely what I feel and think about him and about the precious helps he has done for me explicitly and implicitly. I am so thankful for that and I wish the best for him in any parallel universe!
Wyzard showed me these new ways of thinking, exploring and creating. He showed me that it is not only one way to look into things. In fact, He showed me how to think creatively and how to be the source of thoughts by listening to other people and respecting other people's opinions. However, I am still not on that stage that I can express precisely what I feel and think about him and about the precious helps he has done for me explicitly and implicitly. I am so thankful for that and I wish the best for him in any parallel universe!
Friday, March 21, 2008
So, about my last blog, I was so overwhelmed that I became too harsh on everything. My apologies. Now that I think about it, writing about Iran, about how the music works there, about living there and about being a human, a global human there, I realize that it is indeed so interesting. We know that limitation makes one to be more creative. Therefore, this is the basic matter in Iran. People think. They know geography and history of the world besides the Iranian one, they know so much about philosophy and politics, it is actually sort of necessity because we as Iranians, wantonly or un-wantonly are involved in politics.
Creating became one of the daily rituals. And why is that? Let's look at the matter of "internet". We never realize that how much we are privileged that we have high speed internet without any filtering. In Iran most of the internet connections are dial ups ad also you don't have the access of most of the web sites becasue they are immoral, contaminated with dangerous thoughts and negatively provocative! So, imagine how one as a human in this melting pot of cultures can access to the information of any kind? I as one who experienced this lack and now have the accessibility of it right now am so grateful of having it without anyone banning it from me. We are so used to it that if one day someone as for example he government prevent us from using it we become astound and even sort of paralyzed.
Iranians most of all believe that because of all these filters and preventions they face in everyday life, they are behind the people from other countries. that is why they think more and more, they create as much as they can to overcome this lack and that leads to sort of over doing it that I can now proudly say that we might have the shortage of not having the easy accessibility to the information but we come up with other solutions to conquer it. Therefore, globalization even without the Iranian governments wanting it is sneaking into Iranian people's lives.
Well, that was a start for me to talk about this very fragile issue. I still think that I am not totally capable of describing what Iran is as a country and as a Nation but at least I can try. In a way, I am so close to it that I cannot see it and so far from it that I miss some significant points about it. I think or no, let's say i believe that it is a good start at least to think about it and not to runaway from it anymore. In the next blog i suppose i will discuss more about Globalization and the atter of creativity and actually the necessity of it in any human's life.
Creating became one of the daily rituals. And why is that? Let's look at the matter of "internet". We never realize that how much we are privileged that we have high speed internet without any filtering. In Iran most of the internet connections are dial ups ad also you don't have the access of most of the web sites becasue they are immoral, contaminated with dangerous thoughts and negatively provocative! So, imagine how one as a human in this melting pot of cultures can access to the information of any kind? I as one who experienced this lack and now have the accessibility of it right now am so grateful of having it without anyone banning it from me. We are so used to it that if one day someone as for example he government prevent us from using it we become astound and even sort of paralyzed.
Iranians most of all believe that because of all these filters and preventions they face in everyday life, they are behind the people from other countries. that is why they think more and more, they create as much as they can to overcome this lack and that leads to sort of over doing it that I can now proudly say that we might have the shortage of not having the easy accessibility to the information but we come up with other solutions to conquer it. Therefore, globalization even without the Iranian governments wanting it is sneaking into Iranian people's lives.
Well, that was a start for me to talk about this very fragile issue. I still think that I am not totally capable of describing what Iran is as a country and as a Nation but at least I can try. In a way, I am so close to it that I cannot see it and so far from it that I miss some significant points about it. I think or no, let's say i believe that it is a good start at least to think about it and not to runaway from it anymore. In the next blog i suppose i will discuss more about Globalization and the atter of creativity and actually the necessity of it in any human's life.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
NOROOZ MOBARAK
Well, here it is. I am an Iranian with no proud whatsoever and with all of it at the same time. I am not a maniac fanatic nationalist but I'm also a "good" Iranian who doesn't like the rituals, religion, make up, and all that jazz about being an Iranian. So, in the middle of this no where, I don't know where the hell I'm heading to. I run away from whatever Iranian around me, either the "intellectuals" or "the fake Tehran geles (Los Angeles)", and that is totally awkward. Normally, the people from the same Nationality or background easily mingle if they are out of their home country, but I simply cannot.
I think in some ways I ran away from where I grew up, from the people and their daily lives. It's not because I dislike it or it was too much pressure which it was but because everything about it was too much. For God sake, why don't I feel that I owe something to my country? Am I being rootless and disrespectful to my "own" people? Am I being snobbish? No, I don't think so. It's only that I don't feel that I belong to any fucking region. I just owe my parents and my brother and sister. I think I feel owing to people I love.
Anyhow, the thing is that here in New York, or even in London when I was or any other fucking city that I go as an academic people expect me to write about Iran and its "issues"! What the hell! I don't want to. I need no interaction between Iran and the world. I just said that I ran away from it. I need some tranquility. i need no more news, no more politics, no more info about anything. I need to play my music, read and write, that's it. I don't wanna talk about Iran. It became a creature for the outer world, this Iran!
Actually, I don't know how to describe it, this magic pot. At the same time I so like and and so dislike it. But I cannot talk about disliking it to the people that now nothing of it. I have the right to talk about it even if it is some bullshit and about my frustration living there but the people that know nothing of it, assume that we Iranians are barbarians. But we are not. I just cannot tolerate it because of the existing oppression over everyone.
They (Iranians from two generations, the before and after the revolution) that before the revolution everything was great except the "shah" that they wanted him to resign but no one really realizes that Iran was always the place of past glories, everything there is based on past tense. This is Iran. Islam was always there after the Arab's invasion, with one way or another, some women even before the revolution were wearing veils and robes. So, how do I as an academic musician want to address all these issues? I don't know.
I have never read the Iranian Contemporary history, as I so get disgusted of all the stupidities. I seriously become furious.
Whatever it is, it is my home country, where I found my closest friends, where I found out that I need to travel all the time, where I realized how I can forget and get over my past more easily, where I became so eager to leave it and not to live there anymore!
Today is our new year, THE NEW YEAR, the first day of spring. Isn't it nice? Iran is the only country that has this. We celebrate the coming spring.
It's a new day,
It's a new dawn...
My brother and I decided to stay in touch by skype to celebrate. He lives in Birmingham, UK. And we also decided to drink whiski while we are chatting. Well! once again cyber space! My sister and mum went on a trip that has no access to telephones and internet. My father is lives in Tehran and he is alone same as me and my brother so after that we call him to tell him happy new year. Life is such a story...
SALEH NO MOBARAK! (in Farsi)
Happy New Year
I think in some ways I ran away from where I grew up, from the people and their daily lives. It's not because I dislike it or it was too much pressure which it was but because everything about it was too much. For God sake, why don't I feel that I owe something to my country? Am I being rootless and disrespectful to my "own" people? Am I being snobbish? No, I don't think so. It's only that I don't feel that I belong to any fucking region. I just owe my parents and my brother and sister. I think I feel owing to people I love.
Anyhow, the thing is that here in New York, or even in London when I was or any other fucking city that I go as an academic people expect me to write about Iran and its "issues"! What the hell! I don't want to. I need no interaction between Iran and the world. I just said that I ran away from it. I need some tranquility. i need no more news, no more politics, no more info about anything. I need to play my music, read and write, that's it. I don't wanna talk about Iran. It became a creature for the outer world, this Iran!
Actually, I don't know how to describe it, this magic pot. At the same time I so like and and so dislike it. But I cannot talk about disliking it to the people that now nothing of it. I have the right to talk about it even if it is some bullshit and about my frustration living there but the people that know nothing of it, assume that we Iranians are barbarians. But we are not. I just cannot tolerate it because of the existing oppression over everyone.
They (Iranians from two generations, the before and after the revolution) that before the revolution everything was great except the "shah" that they wanted him to resign but no one really realizes that Iran was always the place of past glories, everything there is based on past tense. This is Iran. Islam was always there after the Arab's invasion, with one way or another, some women even before the revolution were wearing veils and robes. So, how do I as an academic musician want to address all these issues? I don't know.
I have never read the Iranian Contemporary history, as I so get disgusted of all the stupidities. I seriously become furious.
Whatever it is, it is my home country, where I found my closest friends, where I found out that I need to travel all the time, where I realized how I can forget and get over my past more easily, where I became so eager to leave it and not to live there anymore!
Today is our new year, THE NEW YEAR, the first day of spring. Isn't it nice? Iran is the only country that has this. We celebrate the coming spring.
It's a new day,
It's a new dawn...
My brother and I decided to stay in touch by skype to celebrate. He lives in Birmingham, UK. And we also decided to drink whiski while we are chatting. Well! once again cyber space! My sister and mum went on a trip that has no access to telephones and internet. My father is lives in Tehran and he is alone same as me and my brother so after that we call him to tell him happy new year. Life is such a story...
SALEH NO MOBARAK! (in Farsi)
Happy New Year
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Persona (a response to wyzard)
There are a lot of stuff in my mind right now that I want to talk about but first things first, this post is gonna be about what Dr. Gilbert told me and actually he illuminated it for me, the matter of persona and essence. I was talking about identity in the last post and I was so confused about it as a territory. However, because of a profound and simple (in terms of length and not the content) comment of let's say Wyzard, I found out that I was right to be confused because the things that I was confused about were in fact two different things and not only one thing that I could not define. So what are these then? And why do I even care about them? What does it make it so important foe me that I still want to talk and discuss about?
I remember that when I was a kid, my brother had this friend, Majid, which was not even a real person but we did not know until we finally found out when my mother accidentally found out. To let you know, my bother is only one year younger than me and we were and still are so close together, so, he did not have any difficulty in finding friends or hanging out with the children of his own age. Moreover, he had this huge imagination of making stories, he was a good painter of making scenes (he also had a series of painting notebooks of only a Soccer game!... now you can see the rest. Nonetheless, he had this friend. So, the question is why even did he need this friend? Secondly, how did it go to his mind that he can make it up without even realizing it? Thirdly, despite all the friends that he had, why did he feel the need to have another one which was even a virtual one? I clearly cannot find an absolute answer for that. I am in fact not looking for one. But I feel the need to describe the situation, I need to clarify that my bother was not suffering from any kind of mental disease or any family issues that made him to come up with a surrealistic solution.
However, what I found out is that, he did not need another new friend or anything, what he needed was a new personality, persona, a new identity. In this regard, his imagination helped him to know and realize who actually he was (wyzard). For example, he was making some mistakes in his social life like he was being noisy at some points in places that he was asked to be quiet or he was not having good grades in his dictation examination, so, when he was being asked about the reasons behind his actions, he was mentioning Majid as the cause of all these problems. Or in some other occasions, when he wanted to be alone he was saying that Majid needs him, or if anyone was asking why he helped a random person which he even did not know, he was saying that he was not alone and Majid also helped him. Now, this Majid is a famous statement in our home and it is actually a fourth child in our daily life, he is one of us although we make fun of this situation (even my brother does) but he is the person that we never forget.
Now, I want to discus this Majid in terms of a persona, an identity that my brother needed, and not only my brother but every one of us sometimes feel the need to isolate ourselves and run away from the society, from ourselves. It is like we are stuffing our blankets just to assure the people that we are there, but we are not actually. It is our assumption which is there and not us as soles (wyzard), not our essence (ibid). Thus, this blogging can be a Majid. we need to run away from everything or exactly the other way around, we need to confront ourselves and the society with a new face, new definitions. This persona for us can be so useful to first of all help us to get to know ourselves more deeply and secondly it lets us know what we really like to be and what not to be. But the question here is that what if we are what we really don't want to be? And what we really want to be is not attainable because we don't have the essence?
I cannot answer this question right now. I need more time, much more. However, I can assure myself that now I know blogging is not a useless, selfish thing to do. It is not prostitution, it is not being naked in front of strangers. It is not showing off. It is in fact a way that you can help to construct yourself in a way that you want and at the same time you have the essence of what you want. I think, still not strongly though, that gradually the things that one wants from him/herself is gonna be in parallel with what he/she has in terms of essence and it's not gonna be a very separate issue, in other words, from the other planet. This is what blogging may do and that is, finding the ease in one's self. In the end, I might get to accept myself as what I am and not what I want to be.
I remember that when I was a kid, my brother had this friend, Majid, which was not even a real person but we did not know until we finally found out when my mother accidentally found out. To let you know, my bother is only one year younger than me and we were and still are so close together, so, he did not have any difficulty in finding friends or hanging out with the children of his own age. Moreover, he had this huge imagination of making stories, he was a good painter of making scenes (he also had a series of painting notebooks of only a Soccer game!... now you can see the rest. Nonetheless, he had this friend. So, the question is why even did he need this friend? Secondly, how did it go to his mind that he can make it up without even realizing it? Thirdly, despite all the friends that he had, why did he feel the need to have another one which was even a virtual one? I clearly cannot find an absolute answer for that. I am in fact not looking for one. But I feel the need to describe the situation, I need to clarify that my bother was not suffering from any kind of mental disease or any family issues that made him to come up with a surrealistic solution.
However, what I found out is that, he did not need another new friend or anything, what he needed was a new personality, persona, a new identity. In this regard, his imagination helped him to know and realize who actually he was (wyzard). For example, he was making some mistakes in his social life like he was being noisy at some points in places that he was asked to be quiet or he was not having good grades in his dictation examination, so, when he was being asked about the reasons behind his actions, he was mentioning Majid as the cause of all these problems. Or in some other occasions, when he wanted to be alone he was saying that Majid needs him, or if anyone was asking why he helped a random person which he even did not know, he was saying that he was not alone and Majid also helped him. Now, this Majid is a famous statement in our home and it is actually a fourth child in our daily life, he is one of us although we make fun of this situation (even my brother does) but he is the person that we never forget.
Now, I want to discus this Majid in terms of a persona, an identity that my brother needed, and not only my brother but every one of us sometimes feel the need to isolate ourselves and run away from the society, from ourselves. It is like we are stuffing our blankets just to assure the people that we are there, but we are not actually. It is our assumption which is there and not us as soles (wyzard), not our essence (ibid). Thus, this blogging can be a Majid. we need to run away from everything or exactly the other way around, we need to confront ourselves and the society with a new face, new definitions. This persona for us can be so useful to first of all help us to get to know ourselves more deeply and secondly it lets us know what we really like to be and what not to be. But the question here is that what if we are what we really don't want to be? And what we really want to be is not attainable because we don't have the essence?
I cannot answer this question right now. I need more time, much more. However, I can assure myself that now I know blogging is not a useless, selfish thing to do. It is not prostitution, it is not being naked in front of strangers. It is not showing off. It is in fact a way that you can help to construct yourself in a way that you want and at the same time you have the essence of what you want. I think, still not strongly though, that gradually the things that one wants from him/herself is gonna be in parallel with what he/she has in terms of essence and it's not gonna be a very separate issue, in other words, from the other planet. This is what blogging may do and that is, finding the ease in one's self. In the end, I might get to accept myself as what I am and not what I want to be.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Identity
Couple of days ago we were discussing a very important subject in Dr. Elliott's class, the brain space. It is actually the territory each human being needs around him/her with the radius of his/her hand. As soon as this territory gets attacked or disturbed that person becomes anxious and uncomfortable. However, in different cultures this territory differs. For example, in my own country people communicate with their bodies as well as the oral communication. That said, they hold hands, they speak to your face, they kiss each other so many times, etc. sometimes they even don't understand what it means actually. Nonetheless, holding hands and kissing on the cheeks of tow people with the same gender in Iran is normal and it should not be misunderstood as being gay.
I was born in a family that this territory/privacy was really important and respected. SO, it was really irritating for me if some students at my high school while speaking to me were holding my hands or whenever they wanted to call my name they would touch my shoulder. After a while, I realized this is a common thing around where I was living so, I just got along with it. Isn't it so that we should also respect different cultures? More importantly, it was my home town culture. The one that I used to grow up in. Wow! I'm using this huge word of culture and I even don't realize what a heavy weight it carries.
Anyhow! Enough about territory. What I really like to talk about with this intro is the matter of identity. When I created my first blog I was really embarrassed and unwilling to do so. I did it because my sister had one and needed my comments on what she was saying, so because of that I had to open up one. It took me, I think, two years to start writing in it as I'm not a big fan of cyber space. Moreover, I never had written for anyone else except myself. So, opening up yourself in front of other people was an extremely hard task for me. It is still a weird feeling while I'm writing or in a way blogging because it's like I'm naked in front of people.
All of my friends, ALL OF THEM, have facebook. Dr. Elliott was saying that also these names has something to say. Myspace, facebook, face to face,... they all carry a heavy meaning. Which is true. It is the way you introduce yourself to people. That is why I have none of them. It is hard for me to talk about myself. That's why I think it is really good to have some engineers as web designers to do your job, that you are not obliged to talk about yourself on and on.
Sometimes I think why people put their pictures, or their favorite music, favorite books, movies... on the web for people to see. And I realized this is exactly the territory Dr. Elliott was talking about. You need people to know you by what you like and dislike, by your appearance, by your favorite music. Once I started to put my favorite blabla on "my" (we should consider this my thingy) blog, I started to realize what a massive concept is behind it. At the same time I liked it and disliked it. It was like prostitution (the whole concept of it) in the beginning. I thought I was losing my privacy with my own hands. Why do I need people to know what I really think, in terms of private thoughts and not the academic standpoint, or what I really look like or what I like to listen to? To be honest I still don't know, I just do it because of the experience.
The facebook, sometimes people say its because of its convenience that you don't have to call people and talk to them, you just put the info there and they will see. I strongly think that they also need to out their photos out there and it is not only because of its convenience, and moreover, is is the kind of communication that is needed? I need flesh and blood to say that I'm communicating. I need to see people face to face, to talk and chat. The internet is not enough for me to communicate. In terms of communication, I need internet to communicate because I don't have the access to the people that I care about geographically, that's it.
Now, lets go back to the identity discussion. Imagine the Ipods that people carry around, it is their identity, they are being defined by what they listen to. No matter how much we say that we have to respect different kinds of people and different styles of music, still we judge people by what they listen to, or at least I do. I know that it's not alright to do that but I have not conquered this flaw in myself. Furthermore, we read certain books, or we don't read at all, we have some certain thoughts and we have different lifestyles, all these are affecting the concept of what we feel about ourselves, what other people think about us and even what we are not and we just want to be.
Thus, identity in my standpoint, is directly related to territory that how we define our territory. I still need to contemplate more and I will definitely discuss it more. To be honest, I don't know with whom! is it me or is someone reading what I blabber? Why do I even bother to write it down? Is it because Dr. Gilbert wanted it from us or is it because I need people to see my territory/ownership and I need them to see who I am from my own standpoint? That is the point!
I was born in a family that this territory/privacy was really important and respected. SO, it was really irritating for me if some students at my high school while speaking to me were holding my hands or whenever they wanted to call my name they would touch my shoulder. After a while, I realized this is a common thing around where I was living so, I just got along with it. Isn't it so that we should also respect different cultures? More importantly, it was my home town culture. The one that I used to grow up in. Wow! I'm using this huge word of culture and I even don't realize what a heavy weight it carries.
Anyhow! Enough about territory. What I really like to talk about with this intro is the matter of identity. When I created my first blog I was really embarrassed and unwilling to do so. I did it because my sister had one and needed my comments on what she was saying, so because of that I had to open up one. It took me, I think, two years to start writing in it as I'm not a big fan of cyber space. Moreover, I never had written for anyone else except myself. So, opening up yourself in front of other people was an extremely hard task for me. It is still a weird feeling while I'm writing or in a way blogging because it's like I'm naked in front of people.
All of my friends, ALL OF THEM, have facebook. Dr. Elliott was saying that also these names has something to say. Myspace, facebook, face to face,... they all carry a heavy meaning. Which is true. It is the way you introduce yourself to people. That is why I have none of them. It is hard for me to talk about myself. That's why I think it is really good to have some engineers as web designers to do your job, that you are not obliged to talk about yourself on and on.
Sometimes I think why people put their pictures, or their favorite music, favorite books, movies... on the web for people to see. And I realized this is exactly the territory Dr. Elliott was talking about. You need people to know you by what you like and dislike, by your appearance, by your favorite music. Once I started to put my favorite blabla on "my" (we should consider this my thingy) blog, I started to realize what a massive concept is behind it. At the same time I liked it and disliked it. It was like prostitution (the whole concept of it) in the beginning. I thought I was losing my privacy with my own hands. Why do I need people to know what I really think, in terms of private thoughts and not the academic standpoint, or what I really look like or what I like to listen to? To be honest I still don't know, I just do it because of the experience.
The facebook, sometimes people say its because of its convenience that you don't have to call people and talk to them, you just put the info there and they will see. I strongly think that they also need to out their photos out there and it is not only because of its convenience, and moreover, is is the kind of communication that is needed? I need flesh and blood to say that I'm communicating. I need to see people face to face, to talk and chat. The internet is not enough for me to communicate. In terms of communication, I need internet to communicate because I don't have the access to the people that I care about geographically, that's it.
Now, lets go back to the identity discussion. Imagine the Ipods that people carry around, it is their identity, they are being defined by what they listen to. No matter how much we say that we have to respect different kinds of people and different styles of music, still we judge people by what they listen to, or at least I do. I know that it's not alright to do that but I have not conquered this flaw in myself. Furthermore, we read certain books, or we don't read at all, we have some certain thoughts and we have different lifestyles, all these are affecting the concept of what we feel about ourselves, what other people think about us and even what we are not and we just want to be.
Thus, identity in my standpoint, is directly related to territory that how we define our territory. I still need to contemplate more and I will definitely discuss it more. To be honest, I don't know with whom! is it me or is someone reading what I blabber? Why do I even bother to write it down? Is it because Dr. Gilbert wanted it from us or is it because I need people to see my territory/ownership and I need them to see who I am from my own standpoint? That is the point!
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